Kraft Dinner and Flying Houses

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! If I dont quit hitting that delete button!!!!!!!!!!

Post "Kraft Dinner and Flying Houses" TAKE 2

So, its been quite uneventful here in the past 48 hrs, don't worry, you haven't missed much. Sunday after 0900 was spent relaxing all damn day. That's right, on the couch, watching whatever it was I wanted to watch. Too bad there was nothing good on TV! LOL!
Monday I finally met the broad who kicked me out so abruptly on Saturday. And get this, she's actually very very nice. After some explanation, I can totally understand her frustration, and am relieved its not me she just doesn't like. She it truly a remarkeable individual, and completes all the wonderful people I've met up here (and no, Im not saying that because of the gun stuck to my temple).
Monday was Monday. See patients, make them feel better and send them on their way. Its pretty cut and dry. The only thing I asked to do was go to the nearest town (50-60kms away) so I could get some food other than Kraft Dinner. The sight of that blue box now makes me gag.... and to think.. I get it for lunch on Wednesday too... oh how delicious. My wish was not granted as I was quickly reminded that "Aren't you leaving on Wednesday anyways" Basically, suck it up, eat your KD and soup and don't bother us. Oh joy...
Monday night, nothing exciting either. Another night off, no on-call crap. So, sit around, watch some tube, and get some shut eye. If it weren't for the party next door with all the gunshots I'm sure I would have slept soundly. It was like New Year's Eve here in Detroit. Musta been excited about somthin there eh Jethro?

Which brings us to today. The nice thing about being here a week, is that by now, I know what happens in the morning. I know what has to be done, what I've been told I'm supposed to do, and I do it. Luckily, after my cup of coffee in the morning, its a quick commute right out the door and bang! I'm in the clinic lol!

So, there I was, checking glucometers, the defib, and other crap that needs QC when this low rumble started in the distance. CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP SNIFF SNIFF SNIFF CLOMP. I wasn't sure if a lumberjack had just walked in or if Mr. Murphy had brought me some local entertainment. I turned around to stare this... this... sasquatch fits.... straight in the eyes. *((Shudder))*

There is was, big, frizzy hair, unibrow, staring straight at me....First I thought it was going to kill me, then I realized..... it was wearing scrubs, and it was not an it, it was a she. EEP! Gotta luv those nort women dere eh?!!?

(exit stage left to change my pants)

And here's how the conversation went with said nurse.

"Hi, Im Lora"
"Hi, I used to be in charge until today"

Oh, ya thats right, today is GONNA SUCK.

So meet, big, angry nurse.. not old mean nurse.. BIG ANGRY YOUNG NURSE. To tell it is a she is difficult. The moustache and unibrow make it hard to differentiate. Good grief, don't step on me please. And she truely is the B.A.N.

Now the old roomie and I talk frequently as we are running labs; you know, titrating pee. Its a glorious job. And Roomie is getting frustrated with BAN. You see, we all know one of these people. One of these individuals who had some type of authority bestowed on them.. and WHAM! there it goes, straight to their iddy biddy head. Or in BANs case, her big frizzy head. Ya'know, I think electrocution might calm her perm down.

So I spend my day trying to stay out of BANs way, which isn't that difficult anyways because she spends more time talking to everyone else than she does actually working that seeing patients keeps me occupied. And if BAN is asked to see a patient, it is greeted with "Fee Fie Fo Fear, what the hell is that person doing here?!" (Really folks, she's not that clever... its more.. me big nurse no work...little nurse do more) I would guess in the 7.5hrs today she saw.... 4 patients. And that is being liberal. Ah well, fulltime does have its perks I guess.

So I made it through the day, and didn't get stepped on. I stayed off her radar for today, and only need to make it through 6hrs tomorrow. Thank goodness! Now, I don't put everyone in the same category, so I thought I would be nice and say goodnight to BAN. Here's how that went:

"Have a great night!"
"Ya whatever, enjoy call.. hope its QUIET!"

Screw you BAN, you and Murphy. I'm going home to eat my Kraft Dinner.

And I did!

HMPH!

20min an on call starts... let the countdown begin

Greetings from Me and Mr. Murphy...

Well its Sunday now, a day of rest, a day to myself.... SUREEEEE

Let's finish off Saturday's adventure.... I waited around here at the clinic for Gomer and his assault victim to arrive to no avail. Saw a couple of other patients just because I was in the office and that's better than picking my.... well.... you know.. And besides, Mr. Murphy was sittin on the window sill laughin at me anyways. He's such a good friend. We are becoming quite close!

I ran home to eat something quickly and had to be back at the clinic for 1700hrs to see a couple of patients I had diverted until then. They arrived at 1800hrs. There is no concept of time here. Oh well, again Murphy and I caught up on the daily occurances... oh and some charting that never ends here...

They finally showed up with 3 more patients in tow. Of course, when there is nothing to do in town (I use the word town loosely, because there is nothing around me except for the police station across the road) you need to go and see what that new nurse is up to. A quick consult to the ER doc in the nearest big town 6hrs away and 3 scripts given out, my day was coming to an end. And just like that... just as I was packing up... Murphy and Shyte teamed up on me again. Really guys...can't you just take a night off. A phone call from my boss reveals I have to move tonight. My roommate is back, and turns out, she doesn't really want someone else there. GREAT....

Then, a new patient arrives.... Now, a croupy baby at home... not a problem. Up here presents some difficulties with treatment. And after I had exhausted all of my nursing skills, I had the opportunity to wait an hour and a half to get more orders. With that said and done at 2230, I have to go and pack up all of my stuff at my old place and move. How much fun is that?!?! Again, Im so tired of hearing the Murphy chuckle...he really REALLY needs to find someone else to pick on.

So last night I fell asleep on the couch until 3am...got up and wandered into the new bedroom. I'm glad Murphy and Shyte slept well last night and kept the phone silent. Maybe they are taking pity on my poor soul.

I finished oncall at 0900 this morning, what a long shift that was.... oh well. Was in the midst of making some lunch... can you say 3rd day in a row for Kraft Dinner... ugh... when all of a sudden out stumbled Murphy. He was tip toeing so I didn't hear him... as he screwed around with my laptop and its connections.
Wireless network FUBAR'd. Not sure how, when or why... but apparently someone does not want me on Facebook anymore lol!! Oh well...

So I travel back to the clinic where the internet is free and always on...lets hope Murphy undoes the wireless for tonight...it would be nice not to sit here all day...

Work starts tomorrow at 0800 and goes till 0430. YAY! And no on call tomorrow which is very nice, two nights in a row to sit an relax! Let's hope the rest of the week is this way... and maybe I can leave Murphy and Shyte here when I fly out on Wednesday...

Chances are slim to none....

Day 3 and part of 4

Well... guess I'm a bit late with keeping you all updated, and at least laughing at my situation. I know I know, you're laughing WITH me... bullshit.

Yesterday was nice after sleeping till 8am. Oh wait, that's when I got off call. LOL. So, it was nice to have an hour and a half to myself before heading into the clinic. Its cold here.. -15 without the windchill, but still as beautiful as ever. I will take some pictures Sunday I think. Yes, let's do that.

So the clinic was busy, but that's good because a slow day anywhere drags on and on and on and on....I met friends with a doctor over the phone, who is so nice and supportive, it almost reminded me of home...(for those of you who are asking yourself... WHHHHATTT?? I was only kidding) And as per usual, the shit followed me here, right out of the ER, right here...in the middle of NOWHERE! It tapped me on the shoulder....smiled... waved... and then smacked me across the face... Oh how I wish shyte would follow other people and stop befriending me. Besides, I already have Murphy tag along on most of my adventures... maybe I should just be friends with Shyte and Murphy... maybe they will get bored of me then...

I walked out of my office to be greeted by a medic. Funny they wear the same yellow pylon outfits up here. He was nice, but I had no idea why he was here, nor did I particularly care.... same as usual haha.
Well apparently, I was SUPPOSED to care, as he found me in the lab to tell me he had two patients for me. Oh really there junior... two? Where was my patch? LOL... there is no patch here silly girl... send another carrier pigeon! They also remind me of medics back home... I won't enlighten you to which one(s). To ask for a story of why these patients are here... for vitals? Nahhhh that's not important. What is important is they had a 2hr drive here.... Really junior... medics back home would eat you alive. But they have their tough book and make me sign that I took authority of the patients. Medics beware...there are some very scary ones of you up here in da nort.

These two patients are remarkeable, and complex. And 2hrs of OT later I got to go home with a killer headache and transfer their care to the other nurses up here. Yay me. And no call last night either! Which meant, PARTAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not. It meant 1000mg of Tylenol and bed at 10pm. Its still snowing outside, and I'm sure its cold... please let me sleeeeeep.

Saturday -- on call again. Oh well money is money right? The oncall here is weird. I'm actually on call for 24 consecutive hours. UGHHH! At 0830 the phone rings... I should know better than to answer it. Meet the OPP at the clinic for 0900. FML I'm not even done half my coffee and still in my PJ's! GRRR...better go wake up Murphy and Shyte... those lazy asses sleep too long. Oh wait, they are already up...bastards.

So here I sit, sans coffee... after driving in on roads that don't even know what a snowplow is... (mind you I will never have to worry about winter driving again lol)...waiting for them... those O-dots... our saviors... who at this very moment... are an hour and a half late!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR... I bet they are not as nice as our home guys...cuz I don't forsee any coffee in my future today...

Please let it be quick and painless.

Da 2 Continues....

So... I'm here finally... The flight to Sioux Lookout wasn't too bumpy and I made it. YAY! They laughed at me as I handed them my handwritten boarding pass.... finally... off I go!
We land and i decide, here I am... Im getting something to eat before I have to live off Kraft Dinner... so I get some soup and a juice... yehaw. (note the sarcasm).
I walk to the front and some guy is eyeballin me... ya buddy... its soup.. nothing exciting. And then he approaches....
"You wouldn't be a nurse would ya?" (Oh I've heard this line before and no, I don't want to go in there and see anything medically remarkable)
"A nurse trying to get to Oz?" (Seriously folks... this is true)

Yes, I am a nurse and I am trying to get to Oz... have you seen Dorthy or Toto? Cuz I'm sure someone is playing a cruel joke.

Turns out, this guys name is Jack. Jack is my first encounter... and let me tell ya how funny he is. Jack is truely Jack... a Jack of all trades. And for the two hour talk... (thats how long the taxi ride is) we discuss everything from 22yr old gomer pyle robocops (yes, I am priveledged enough to be around 20 or so new OPP officers. Yeah.... thrilled) all the way to beating your children, releasing animals, hunting and fishing. Jack is funny.. I like Jack.

So he drops me off and I meet my new co-workers. All 8 of them. The waiting room is full. I am briefly shown around the clinic, ie... this is your room. Get your stuff, we'll take you to your apartment to change.

Exit stage left.... at the apartment.
Nice bi level house, new... and has internet in case you hadnt figured that out yet. I find a bed with nothing made on it.. and plunk my stuff down. Grab some scrubs and get back in the truck to go to work.

I seriously feel like a circle in a room of squares... a knife in a room of spoons... help!!! I meet the two doctors on site, they seem nice... but they are leaving....
I ask silly questions... and where the hell is the translator? OMG.... Charting... I remember this...

The day ends at 430pm. To which I go home, and plug in the phone. Thats right, I'm on call tonight folks. Been here almost 3hrs. Call lasts from 6pm - 8am... then I report to work for 930am. I hope I get the hang of this soon.....

Otherwise, all those nice new people I met.... aren't going to be so nice...

Let the call night begin...

Day 2

Good morning folks.. its 1021 here and Im back again on the uncomfortable seats here in the airport. Uncomfortable is an understatement, however, I think from yesterday my butt has conformed to them...and my sacrum quit whining somewhere.

I've made a few phone calls already, and luckily the laptop is at full power today!! Yay! Can't say as much for the phone though, something weird happened overnight, it shut off and decided charging was not something it really wanted to do.

I woke up this AM somewhere's around 0630, enough to look at the clock and grumble. Its a good thing I got up, since the alarm was set on my phone which inadvertently was off. *Blink Blink* yeah I'm up.. I hate morning.

The continental breakfast was good at the hotel, complete with cereal, fruit, coffee, and fresh made waffles. Oh and some hard boiled eggs. Let me reiterate this budget thing again.. no money... free breakfast... pig out. So a bowl of cereal, a donut, a coffee, an orange and 2 hard boiled eggs and I'm set until dinner time or so lol.
I check out of the hotel and am at the airport for 0945...no one here has record of me yet flying today. And the dude that checked me in yesterday remembers me and laughs that I'm back. Keep laughing chuckles... and I'll have you out there pulling the string to get the plane going. We just won't say where the string is attached to. A company phone call and all is well... booked on a flight going to Sioux Lookout. HEY I was there yesterday!!!! In fact about 16hrs ago to be exact. I once again am going in circles. Story of my life. Sad but true.

So, its a new airline this time...the planes are bigger (by this I mean appear bigger) and the baggage allowance is more, plus I get a carryon. The good ole trusty laptop! Woohoo!! But since its a new airline, I get to recheck my luggage, and again pay overage fees. Oh please meester airline... take more of my money... bastards. I'm gonna claim all this you know. Damnit!

So to get into Sioux Lookout takes about an hour. We leave here at 1140am, and arrive there at 1130am... so at least I'm gaining an hour somewhere in my day. There is apparently a taxi waiting to take me to my station. Which is 3hrs away. Oh joy... oh rapture. I can move from plane sickness to car sickness.

C'est la vie....

Let's just hope I don't end up back in Thunder Bay tonight... or worse...

Day 1

Well guys, here it is... a blog for you all to read about my daily adventures.
Today started a new chapter in my career as a travel nurse... you won't believe where it takes me.

Tuesday night I didn't sleep at all. I laid in bed staring at the ceiling wondering if I had packed enough underwear, did I remember a toothbrush... you know... the important stuff. haha. So 0330 came and Marty and I got up, got ready, and got on the road. All by 0400. Anyone who knows us, knows we are one time... and we are today, no exceptions.

The 401 is a lovely drive, no matter what time of day. And until we hit a lovely detour just outside of London, everything was going just peachy. So we took a scenic countryside tour all the way to London International Airport. Now, for you folks just clueing in, I should point out two things. (1) NOTHING is scenic at 5am in the countryside. Its pitch black and if you're me, you're paranoid there are deer. and (2) Who knew London was an INTERNATIONAL airport. Certainly not I.

We arrived at London airport just after 0600. Said quick goodbyes because we all know, Lora does not cry in crowds.... and off I went into the terminal. Registered... and waited.

When I saw my "plane" arrive, I thought.. yep this is it, im gonna die. This "plane" appears to be started normally by someone with a rubber band and a string you see. It is a dual prop engine that is loud and obnoxious. So bad infact my sinuses hurt when I got off it in Toronto. Luckily the guy sitting beside me said nothing the entire flight, or should I say glide. Whatever..at least it only took 30min

So here we are in Toronto now, and again I sit. I pull out the trusty new laptop and check in back home to the poor husband who got up to drive me 2hrs to the airport. We are both tired...and thats an understatement. As I patiently wait for my REAL plane to show up, I contemplate a Starbucks. But I am on a very scarce budget for this trip and $5 for a coffee is unacceptable. So I'll sniff the old bird's coffee beside me. Oh... and for you Marty... I saw the shortest... FATTEST midget ever. She truly was a fire hydrant...as tall as she was wide... with her gut hanging over her pants, and her blue g-string showing.... wooohoo... did I mention she had blonde and pink dyed hair... hahaha....

So off to Thunder Bay we go...in the REAL plane. Just like the ones they have on TV! I sit down, after moving the immigrant who has taken my window seat... Move it or lose it sweetheart, thats my seat... and I conveyed my disappointment to her only by facial expression lol. I sat down, fastened my seatbelt and stowed my napsack under the seat infront of me... just like a good little passenger. Just then I heard it... from behind.... "I got sick the last time I flew...I had to take gravol...this time I didn't take any" Oh FFS...are you all growed up now??? So help me if you spew on me. GRR... (insert angry mental waves to the girl behind me)
2 cute kids sat infront of me watching movies on the headrests. See I told you it was a real plane! It was TORONTO real! Complete with $3 headsets to listen to said movies. I have already mentioned the budget, so I opted not to have the headset and watch 30min of The Blind Side and try to read lips... looks like a good movie!!! About halfway through the flight, the stewartess comes along in some weird accent and asks the little girl infront of me if she is ok. Then gives her some BS story about needing to eat while flying, and hands out some corn chips. Oh my favorite (blech) but I'm hungry, and gave up the Starbucks... so free corn chips and tomato juice it is. A lunch for a queen....

As we are landing... into beautiful Thunder Bay Ontario... I hear it... the unmistakeable, unimaginable sound... of.... a 7 yr old girl upchucking her entire corn chips infront of me. UGHHHH. Gross kid, get a nappy. And before you all start moaning about "Lora, you're a nurse" "Lora, you should have helped her"... here's what I did. I calmly sat my seat upright, and yanked my napsack from under her seat so none of her insides got on my outside. Thats right folks, until I make it to the clinic... I'm a damn plumber. Here ya go dad... here's another puke bag for your kid. The funniest part is when the little girls younger brother yells out for the whole plane "EWWWWW she touched me with her BARF hand!!!!" hahahah... I chuckled quietly as I moved past the three of them on the plane...the girl with a washcloth on her face, the brother disgusted, and the father holding 2 fresh puke bags. Mmmm Mmmm Good.

So here I am in Thunder Bay... I have a 4hr layover... and some of you talked to me.. yay! Thanks for keeping me company. The rest of you know my damn laptop battery died, I had to check my napsack because I'm going on another "Elastic band flight, and carryon's are not permitted ma'am" So I carry around a dead laptop and my stupid coat. As I am trying to get the puke smell out of my nose, I decide its lunch time. And what better way then Tim Hortons and a chili combo? (I did win another coffee!)

Finally, elastic band flight 1 boards... I won't bore you with the details of... its so small they don't even list it on the departures board so you have to rely on other people and their text messages to guide you around the airport. And we get on the plane... 9 seats folks. 2 pilots. You do the math. SQUIIIIISH

So here we go... its 410pm... off we go... into the wild blue yonder... off we go....
Have you flown on a plane that small? Let me tell ya, if you dont like roller coasters, don't get on those planes. The first stop about 30min in (oh yea, this is called a milk run flight guys... so there are multiple stops) I need to get out and walk around. There is snow, its cold... and turbulance that throws you out of your seat. Oh please Meester Pilot, tell me where Pickle Lake is.. (cuz thats my stop and I want off). It's the third stop.

The first stop -- Round Lake... 3 people get off...
The second stop -- Lakehead house -- 2 people get on...
Yay my stop.... wait... i said my stop... stop the plane!!!!!

Nope we are in a freak snowstorm, can't land. Oh FML. Turbulance gets worse... and 45min later we land in Sioux Lookout. Its like Cottam, only way smaller. We disembark... and I think... ok... its 7pm... I'm getting a hotel here, I can figure this out tomorrow... only to be greeted by some lady with another boarding pass. Sorry folks, you're going back to Thunder Bay!

Another 45min of turbulance, some phone calls, here I sit at the Best Western in Thunder Bay. About 3min away from where I was beginning at 1pm today. Seriously.... is this a joke?
It is snowing, it is cold... wanna know the kicker??

Thunder Bay had so many planes divert today, that tomorrow I am only on STANDBY! Thats right... I may not even go anywhere... but I have to pack and be at the airport just in case!

There is one seat left on a plane going to Sioux Lookout at 11am... lets see if I make that...however, it means a 3hr taxi ride after a 1hr plane ride. Oh joy.... lol.... My standby flight? Boards at 4pm... UGHHHHHHHH

Well folks, I hope you like day 1... I'm going to shower, and go to bed... hopefully tomorrow is better.